Pro Parenting Tip #36: Learn How the Teen Brain Works
One of the biggest causes of conflict between parents and teens is misunderstanding.
Parents assume their teenagers process and perceive things the same way they do. They don't.
When we understand why our teens act the way they do, we are able to become far more effective parents and reduce a lot of unnecessary drama.
Here are a 12 KEY DIFFERENCES to be aware of:
1. Impulsivity. Teens are at the mercy of extreme impulses, making it difficult to delay gratification and inhibit reward-seeking, especially in the "heat of the moment."
2. Empathy. An underdeveloped sense of remorse and inability to tell when someone is upset means teens don't always realize when they're being hurtful.
3. Judgment. Because they are led by their emotions, teens can't always discern between good and bad choices. And that to their impulsivity
4. Embarrassment. Teens have a heightened self-awareness and feel like the entire world is watching and judging them which is why they are easily embarrassed.
5. Emotionality. The ability to regulate emotions isn't fully developed yet, which is why they can be happy one moment and in total despair the next.
6. Rebelliousness. Teens are wired to seek independence and forge their own identity, which is why they are drawn to things that shock and upset us.
7. Risk-taking. Teens have a hyperactive reward system and a strong need for stimulation. This craving can override their ability to gauge risk and predict the consequences of their actions.
8. Stress. Teens have an exaggerated stress response, which makes them more susceptible to it than adults. Often, what comes across as disrespect or laziness is actually a sign of stress.
9. Learning. The teen brain is going through a massive growth spurt which creates a window of opportunity to hard-wire new skills, knowledge, and habits.
10. Memory. Short-term memory increases approx. 30% but neural connections are slower, which makes multi-tasking very difficult. If you want your teen to do something, ask for one thing at a time. (Tip: Read Pro Parenting Tip #28: Mini Wins).
11. Sleep. Teen circadian rhythms are set later than adults, which is why it's difficult for them to get up early and they like to go to bed late. They also need about 2 more hours of sleep than adults.
12. Information processing. Brain connections aren't fully developed yet, so it takes longer for teens to process information. A blank stare is a sign their brain is still buffering--so be patient and give them more time to think.
The important thing to note is that the adolescent years are the prime time to DEVELOP these skills. They are going to be BAD at first. The only way to get good at something is to practice it.
BOTTOM LINE
It's up to you to give them the opportunities and space to hone these skills without fear of failure or negative repercussions.
BONUS RESOURCE
Here's a fun graphic you can print out (button below) to help you remember how your teen's brain differs from you.
