Pro Parenting Tip #37: Make a 5 to 1 Investment

Your teenager’s most fundamental need is to feel loved by YOU.

When your child feels unconditionally loved by you, they are better equipped to handle the bumpy road of adolescence.

You’re probably thinking, “Of course I love my teen. They know that!”

But you may be surprised.

Your teen needs constant, consistent affirmation of your love. More importantly, your positive interactions with your teen must outweigh the negative by a ratio of 5 to 1!

Think of it like a bank account that takes relational currency.

Relational currency is an act or statement that expresses love, care, recognition, or acceptance of another person. Every time you show your teen affection, it’s like making a deposit into their account.

The more deposits you make, the more they'll feel connected and supported by you--even when you argue.

On the other side of the coin, every negative interaction is a withdrawal.

If you withdraw more than you deposit, you deplete your teen’s account, leaving your teen feeling abandoned and unloved.

Instead of expressing that to you, they may withdraw, lash out, talk back, or melt down.

This turns opportunities for connection into power struggles, which leave everyone angry and discouraged.

That leads to even more negative interactions.

The goal is to keep your teen’s emotional account as full as possible. That way, when the inevitable clash arises, your teen has enough relational currency to cover it.

When you keep your teen’s emotional bank account full, you're able to form a stronger connection between the two of you.

A strong connection leads to better communication, deeper understanding, and will drastically improve your relationship with your teen.

THE BOTTOM LINE

The more you invest now, the more your teen will prosper later.

BONUS RESOURCE

Here's a graphic you can print out (button to download below) to help you remember the 5 to 1 rule.