Pro Parenting Tip #23: Stay in Your Circle of Control
A lot of conflict with our teens is centered around control.
We want them to...
• Focus more on school, less on social media
• Do their chores without us asking. Tell us what's going on when we ask.
• Mope less. Smile more.
• Spend less time on their devices and more time with us.
• Act less entitled and more appreciative.
...the list goes on.
But no matter how nicely we ask or powerfully we persuade, we’re often met with push back and attitude.
It can be infuriating.
We end up yelling and nagging until it feels like our heads are about to explode.
The reason we get so stressed out is because we’re trying to change things that are OUTSIDE our Circle of Control.
Things like:
• How our teen reacts
• Our teen’s attitude and feelings
• What our teen believes and values
• What motivates our teen
• What our teen prioritizes and accomplishes
• Our teen’s level of effort and focus
We do it because we want them to be happy, motivated, successful, and confident.
The problem is, we can’t MAKE them happy, motivated, successful, and confident. Those are things OUTSIDE our Circle of Control.
The more we try, the more frustrated we get, the more resentful our teens get, and the more disconnected we get from one another.
Rather than putting so much time and energy into something you have no control over, I encourage you to focus on the only thing that is fully within your Circle of Control…
YOU
• How you respond to your teen’s behaviors and emotions
• How you show up for your teen
• How much you let your teen’s feelings and attitude impact you
• The boundaries you set for yourself
• The values and behaviors you model
• What you prioritize and accomplish
• Your level of effort and focus
• Healing your own trauma and building your own self-esteem
THE BOTTOM LINE
When we focus less on what is outside our circle of control and more on what is inside our circle of control, we will feel far more in control of our lives and less frustrated with other people (including our children).
BONUS RESOURCE
If you want a clearer picture of what your Circle of Control looks like, print out the circle of control pictured above.
PRACTICE MAKES PROFICIENT
Want to learn more about the Circle of Control and the skill it supports (Informed Responsiveness)? Read my book, Improving School Mental Health: The Thriving School Solution and start a book club with this FREE Book Study Kit .
