Pro Parenting Tip #24: Reset Your Baseline

Ever wonder why your teen gives you attitude when you try to correct them or provide guidance?

It could be your baseline.

When your teen gets a bad grade, doesn’t clean their room, spends all day on their phone, makes a bad decision, or melts down… what assumptions do you make?

Do you believe it’s because they are lazy, inconsiderate, rude, or entitled? Do you think they could do better if they just put in a little effort or listened to you for once?

If you do, how do you feel about it? I’m guessing either angry, annoyed, or just plain over it.

When we approach our teens from this frame of mind, we typically start at the baseline of accusation and wrongdoing.

Because you've already judged them as guilty, our teen has no choice but to try to defend themselves. They do this by speaking up, shutting down, or lashing out.

We often perceive this as being difficult, defiant, and disrespectful.

This makes us angrier. The situation gets worse.

You can stop this constant conflict by resetting your baseline.

Instead of starting from a negative baseline, try starting from a positive one—or at least a neutral one.

You can do this by giving your teen the benefit of the doubt rather than immediately doubting them.

I encourage the parents I work with to start with the assumption that their teen is doing the very best they can at any given moment.

It may not always seem true, but when you take into consideration ALL the pieces playing into the situation, you'll discover it usually is.

At the very least, you can give them the benefit of the doubt that there is a deeper reason underlying their behavior.

When we start at this baseline, we approach our teens with curiosity and compassion rather than criticism and irritation.

We can help them learn to problem-solve and set them up to succeed the next time.

This creates connection, trust, and respect. It improves self-esteem and motivation.

THE BOTTOM LINE

When we reset our baseline, we handle the situation better, which helps our teens do better.

READY TO RESET YOUR BASELINE?

If you're finding it difficult to stick to this new mindset, I encourage you to join my THRIVING PARENT ACADEMY.

1. Expert Guidance: The academy includes monthly master classes on various topics related to raising teens. From navigating the complexities of technology to addressing mental health concerns, Dr, Cam will empower you with knowledge and resources.

2. Supportive Community: Parenting teenagers can feel isolating at times, but as a member of the Thriving Parent Academy, you'll have access to a supportive network of parents who understand and empathize with your challenges. Together, we can celebrate milestones, offer guidance, and share in each other's triumphs.

3. Practical Tools and Resources: We believe in the power of knowledge. The Thriving Parent Academy offers access to a wealth of practical tools, resources, and workshops that address a wide range of parenting topics. Whether you need advice on effective communication, setting boundaries, or fostering healthy relationships, you'll find it all in the private Virtual Campus.

4. Meaningful Connections: Through the Academy, Dr. Cam hosts two virtual laser-coaching sessions a month. During this time, you can get personalized help and connect with other parents facing similar challenges. These connections foster friendships, provide valuable perspectives, and create a sense of belonging that is vital in this journey of raising teenagers.